


How am I supposed to do this? (and everything that happens next)

by Absolute_Trash37



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/F, Fear, It's alot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reunions, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 15:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolute_Trash37/pseuds/Absolute_Trash37
Summary: Wynonna tells Nicole---I want to say an extention to 3x12, but I guess it's an alternate ending.





	1. Chapter 1

Wynonna walked back to the homestead, alone. She really didn't know what else to do, not now, not without Waverly. She was just so _angry_ , but she was mainly numb. 

Waverly was gone, the one person who she would do anything to protect, and she was gone. So was Doc, Doc made it through the force field and into fucking Eden, despite everything he did, he managed to get into paradise while Wynonna was left behind, useless and alone. _Alone._

Wynonna really didn't want to deal with everything she knew would follow, that's part of why she walked so slowly, like the weight of the world held her back, like time had actually slowed down.

Nicole was on the porch when Wynonna finally was visible. Despite the pit in her stomach, the red head launched herself upright from where she leaned against the railing. Nicole didn't bother to even notify Jeremy or Robin, they'd figure it out eventually, she just sprinted for Wynonna, waiting for Waverly to come up from behind her.

“Earp!” Wynonna stumbled into Nicole's arms when the sheriff was close enough. 

“Hey, Earp, it's okay, I got you, you're okay...” Nicole pulled Wynonna over to the chopping block and sat her down. The taller woman couldn't help but look back to see if Waverly was following. “Come on Waverly...” The red head whispered despite the sinking feeling, despite the fact she knew. Wynonna knew she couldn't leave Nicole on that leash any longer, that it was cruel, and her stomach was in her throat.

“She's not coming, Haught.” Wynonna swore she felt the force of how hard Nicole's heart dropped. 

“Is she...?” Nicole couldn't finish the sentence, and her voice was low. 

“She was on the stairs and vines came and dragged her in through the gates. She's in Eden. I couldn't get through.” Wynonna felt tears fall as she recounted the events that lead to the loss of her sister.

Nicole was having trouble breathing, and it was noticeable. After a few moments of Nicole wrapping her head around it, the red head cleared her throat.

“uh-uuh.... y-you should go inside, it's cold out, get some tea or whisky, or... rest, or I don't know, you should just get inside, shouldn't look at the woods... not right now.” Nicole spoke quickly, worried her voice would betray her more if she spoke normally. Nicole looked down before she tilted her head up just enough to see Wynonna.

Wynonna shook her head, an act of defiance and solidarity. That act of strength was enough to rip away what little resolution Nicole had left. 

She collapsed onto her knees and she wished Julian had let her die, because the stab wound was far less painful than this. Waverly knew it too, that's why she said it. Waverly was gone... Nicole might never see her face or her smile or hear her laugh again, and that knowledge alone was enough to kill. She wanted her heart to be ripped from her chest, because what use is a heart that doesn't work, why live when your reason is gone? She wanted to stop breathing, she wanted her shattered hear to stop beating, she wanted to rip the flesh from her body, she wanted to feel anything but this, even if it was nothing. 

She didn't realize she was screaming until her voice was raw giving out. She fell forward in the snow, hands covering her face as she hunched over in what could only be described as pure anguish.

“We have to get her back.” Nicole was upright again, supporting herself on her knees, her voice was cold, determined.

“We won't stop fighting until we do.” Wynonna assured, her voice held the same pain as Nicole's.

“No... we get her back, or I'll die trying.” Nicole stood with a different demeanor. Something inside Nicole had snapped, and Wynonna knew, but she couldn't accept it, couldn't accept that this Nicole was new. The Earp was on board, because she needed Waverly back just as much as Nicole.

Wynonna knew that this Nicole was either going to find Waverly, or she was going to do something horrible.

Even burn the world down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a thing, sorry if this is ooc but I just had to get this out. It's better than I thought but love it or hate it, it's what it is.


	2. Five Months, Eighteen Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get Waverly back.

Five months, eighteen days, thirteen hours, forty-six minutes and seventeen seconds. 

It took them that long to figure out how to get into Eden. 

Five months and eighteen days of Nicole slipping away. 

Wynonna watched the officer unravel. Part of her knew she should have tried to salvage Nicole, to cling onto the woman she had come to know. Another part of her hoped that once they found Waverly, Nicole would reset back to who she was before. The rest of Wynonna knew, that this was the Nicole she needed right now, that they wouldn't find Waverly, that she wouldn't be able to keep going if Nicole didn't have this new dark determination.

Nicole put up a good front, there were more times than one where Nicole helped Wynonna up to bed in the midst of a drunken haze, Nicole was there when Wynonna was screaming and crying for God or whatever shit ticket controlled everything to bring Waverly back. 

To turn back time. 

Nicole was always there for Wynonna, and she sympathized, of course she did, but in a different way then she used to. 

Nicole didn't show much emotion any more, there were no smiles, there was no crying, there was just a wall, and Wynonna swore that Nicole's soul left with Waverly, and now there was nothing but stone. 

Nicole didn't show much emotion, not around others.

Two months and three days after they lost Waverly to Eden, Wynonna wasn't sober enough to drive, and her phone had died, so she dragged herself all the way to Nicole's, for a ride or to spend the night, whichever the red head allowed.

Wynonna didn't expect to hear screaming and yelling when she got to the porch. 

Wynonna opened the door and didn't recognize the dishevelled woman who was screaming as she tore apart a wall with bare, bleeding hands. The house had been torn apart, the table was broken and flipped, there was broken glass from bottles and picture frames, bullet holes pierced the floor, and Nicole's gun sat on the counter, hastily discarded. 

“Haught.” Wynonna's voice was quiet, and Nicole didn't hear as she cursed God and Julian. 

Nicole began to recount every time she nearly died, punching a new hole or ripping a part away as she did. The Bulshar massacre, the rock climbing accident, the allergic reaction the day after, being revived after Jack attacked them, being shot by Willa, being used as a rag doll by a trophy genie, being bitten by the Widow, being blown up in an alternate reality, dangling over the cliff and being ready to unclasp the rope, being attacked by Jolene, getting stabbed by a beekeeper, she never asked to live or to be saved, she didn't _want_ to live, not any more. She continued to punch and kick the wall viciously, taking out all the emotion she had pent up on the wall of her kitchen.

“Nicole!” Wynonna's voice was firm, but her tears betrayed her. Nicole's head snapped to look at Wynonna, she almost looked feral, there was no resemblance of the woman she had come to know, come to love like a sister.

Wynonna knew she had to pay Nicole back for all she had done, so she took a few swift movements to Nicole's side, before the Earp wrapped her arms around Nicole, let them sink to the floor as the officer's crying became silent. 

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Nicole began to mumble. 

“No... you need help too... you're not alone either, Haught.”

"I'm a failure." Nicole muttered. "I promised to protect you both, and couldn't protect her... I failed." 

"No...no... you're saving my life, Haught, and you're going to save hers."

After Nicole bandaged her hands and passed out, Wynonna looked at her gun. One bullet left.

That was when Wynonna began to fear that Nicole was going to kill herself if she lost hope.

Nicole changed, that was clear, but in little ways that took many people too long to notice. She was quicker to pull the trigger now, anyone who wasn't direct or willing to help them get Waverly back didn't deserve to live. She was still sheriff, but she used her position for self gain, for information about Eden and how to get in, she hired others to deal with the citizens because she didn't care about them any more, she didn't care about anything other than getting into Eden and getting Waverly back. God forbid what would have happened had Wynonna mentioned how much Nicole was acting like Bulshar.

It had been three months and fourteen days when Nicole gave Calamity Jane to Nedley, and essentially moved into the homestead.

Five months, eighteen days, thirteen hours, forty-six minutes and seventeen seconds. 

It took them that long to figure out how to get into Eden. 

Five months, eighteen days, seventeen hours, twenty-two minutes and fifty-six seconds. 

That was how long it had been before they found Doc.

They weren't as far away from the door as they could have been, and Wynonna's heart soared when she saw Doc's hat. 

“Doc!” Wynonna started to run. The vampire turned around and smiled in shock.

“Wynonna? Wynonna!” he sprinted to her just as fast and when they finally met he picked the Earp up and spun her around joyously. 

“Thank you... thank you for coming to protect her, you asshole.” Wynonna kissed him quickly when she finally had her feet back on the ground. “Where is she?” 

Doc motioned for them to follow, Nicole was hesitant, she still didn't believe this was possible, that she might get Waverly back. She wouldn't let herself hope, if she had hope it would be ripped away and she would die all over again.

It felt like hours of walking through forest before they reached her.

“Doc what too-” Waverly rushed her hand to her mouth when she gasped in shock. “Oh my god.” She began to cry when she saw Wynonna come out of the bushes behind him. Waverly rushed into her sister's arms as they sobbed and apologized and said I miss you's and I love you's.

“It's really you, you're here, oh my god, how...” Waverly felt Wynonna's face as if it was a dream and her sister was going to disappear. 

“Are you alone or-?” Doc stepped out of the way and Wynonna pointed over Waverly's shoulder. By the time the tiny woman saw her, Nicole was already speaking.

“Five months, eighteen days, seventeen hours, thirty-one minutes, five seconds, and I got you back.” Waverly couldn't get her legs to move fast enough before she lunged into Nicole desperately. The red head wasn't expecting it and stumbled to the ground, where they lay together. They kissed each other with a desperation and longing that few knew, they needed to know this was real, that they were both there and that nothing was going to separate them ever again.

When they pulled up for air, Nicole smiled widely, happily gasping for air as Waverly clung to her, and Wynonna finally recognized her again, fully, not as a ghost, or a glimpse, it was Nicole. Waverly snuggled her face into the crook of Nicole's neck and took a whiff of the vanilla dipped donuts.

“ _That_ was a yes,” Waverly's head shot up to look at Nicole properly as she began to smile in disbelief, “by the way.” Nicole finished and Waverly was kissing her again, happier than she'd ever been. Nicole pushed Waverly away, just for a moment, “as long as I get to buy you a princess cut.” Waverly nodded and smiled before Nicole was drowned with another kiss, The red head felt such pure joy, no dream had ever compared to this. 

She almost forgot that this wasn't real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw it is real, they did find Waverly, Nicole is just fucked up after everything. Again, this surely is something, but love it and/or hate it, it's out here now, one more chapter to go. I feel bad hurting Nicole like this, she deserves pure fluff and joy that I will never ever be able to give her.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a thing, sorry if this is ooc but I just had to get this out. It's better than I thought but love it or hate it, it's what it is.


End file.
